Mom, Buy Me ...

Most of my "parenting strategies" arise out sheer frustration and a desire to not actually abandon my child on the side of the road somewhere. (Not that I ever would, but I admit to being sorely tempted ... Usually in the checkout aisle at Target.)

My latest attempt is his allowance. Because I am So. Freaking. Tired. Of "Mom, mom, mom! Buy me xxx!!! Can you buy me xxxx???" Every time we go to a store. My answer, up to now, has often been determined by my level of fatigue and irritation. The more irritated I am, the more likely I am to say no. The more tired I am, the more likely I am to say yes.

Starting now, though, my answer is going to be "No, but you may (if it's appropriate) buy it for yourself." (Yay for spending money!)

N's allowance is going to be broken into two parts: a set amount he gets paid every week, and a set amount he can earn each week for a specific set of chores. Right now, since he's 7, I'm setting his allowance at $7 a week: $3 base, with $4 that can be earned by doing chores.

I struggled with the idea of paying him for chores. In my mind, chores are simply something you do to help around the house; you shouldn't get PAID for them. In the end, though, I compromised (yes, you can compromise with yourself).

N has chores that he is expected to do (no payment involved): make his bed, put away his clean clothes, put his breakfast dishes in the sink when he's done, etc. The chores he is rewarded for are the new ones I introduce as he gets older. As he gets adept at these "premium" chores and old enough to tackle different, harder chores, the old "premium" chores will become part of the non-reward chores, and I'll introduce new chores and new rates.

I'm not entirely sure how this allowance plan is going to work out. I realize that it's going to require a lot of monitoring on my part, especially in the beginning. Making sure that the new chores are done to my satisfaction, monitoring how much money he's actually earning a week, and reinforcing what he can do with that money (yes, he can buy things, but I also want to use his allowance to teach him to save, tithe, etc.) ... This new "strategy" is going to be challenging on both of us, but I strongly believe the rewards will be worth it.

Now it's just remembering the map! :)

Three Great Reasons to Never Cook Again

Now don't get me wrong, I don't usually mind cooking. I even sometimes enjoy cooking. I'm not, however, all that great at it. (Just ask my ex: he apparently shares my culinary mishaps with our 7 year old. Yee-haw.)  Especially at 6 p.m. on weeknights, when the Boy is whiney-hungry, and I'm work-tired. Even so-called "20-minute or less" meals are too much: for one thing, they ALWAYS take me more than 20 minutes to prep and cook. For another, after I'm done spending 30 minutes (or more) cooking, I get to be the one cleaning up my mess afterward. (Yay! Not.) So I'm still spending at least an hour in the kitchen.

That's time I'd rather spend doing something else — anything else — but one of my many personal hang-ups is the paranoia that if I'm not feeding the Boy homemade, healthy food, I'm being a Bad Mom. (One of the reasons I'm hung up on this is because we have gone through long stretches of drive-through dinners ... which usually coincides with me reading about how terrible fast food meals are for growing boys. My timing needs work. But that's a post for a different day.)

So how do I balance my desire for healthy, homemade dinners with evenings that aren't consumed by the preparation and consumption of consumables? I've come up with a couple:

• Grocery Store Dinners: I don't take advantage of these often enough, but a rotisserie chicken and a store-prepared side meets my home-cooked criteria and is as easy as popping it in the microwave. The hardest part of dinner is getting it on the plate!
• Someone Else Cooks for Me: Now that I have a little more play in my budget, I've started using Evolve Paleo, a local Paleo "catering" business. I'm not a strict adherent to the Paleo diet; they had me at the "we cook it, you pick it up (or hey, we deliver!) and eat it." One or two of those meals per week, and I can fill in around the edges. They're tasty, use real ingredients and, again, meet my "healthy" (if not homemade) criteria. 
• Crock-Pot Cooking: Crock-Pot cooking is still technically cooking, but it's as close to cooking as I usually get these days. Right after my divorce, eating in was a budget requirement, and that's when I learned to love my Crock-Pot. Crock-Pot cooking is really a misnomer: it should be Crock-Pot prepping, because that's basically all you have to do. Oftentimes, that prep work is fairly minimal (a double bonus, as far as I'm concerned!). I can toss a meal in, clean up the kitchen, and still be out the door in time for work. And dinner is ready to put on the table when I get home. My parents even got me this awesome cookbook (Better Homes and Gardens Ultimate Slow Cooker Book), which features a lot of serial recipes: you make this one night, and next night turn it into this (or that, or this over here).

The thing is, these options WORK for me. I can cook when I want to and not cook when I don't. And the Boy always gets a healthy meal put in front of him, which makes a happy mom. That, in turn, makes me not mind the occasional trip through the McDonald's drive-through, which makes for a happy Boy. Wins for all!

Why I Don't Want to Be a Perfect Mom

I came across yet another link on Pinterest the other day titled "# Ways to Be a Better Mom!" I have seen and clicked on these links countless times before, both to validate what I'm doing and see what I can do to improve. They oftentimes contain great ideas and tips. But for some reason, that day, this link struck a nerve. (Maybe it was the mascara wand in the eye that morning that just spoiled everything for me, who knows?)

I AM a good mom. Do I get it right every time? Heck, no! And you know what? I've decided that makes me an AWESOME mom. 

I'm not perfect, and neither is my son. I don't expect him to be perfect (although I do expect him to listen the first time so I don't repeat myself endlessly!). How is he going to learn how to handle the mistakes, the failures and all the negative, angry, unpleasant unfairness that happens in life (no matter how better or perfect or good he is), if I don't show him how?

Do I get angry? Yes. Does he see me get angry? Yes. Does he see how I handle that anger? Yes! 

Do I make mistakes? Oh, man, do I make mistakes! Does he see me make mistakes? Yes. Does he see me try to correct those mistakes? Yes!

Life is a learning process. I'm staring down the barrel at 40, and I'm still learning how to navigate my life. What worked yesterday won't necessarily work today, and I have to figure it out all over again. And that's OK! Even when it's frustrating and I don't have the time, patience or energy to figure it out all over again, that's OK too.

I want to give my son the tools to do that figuring out on his own, to not be afraid to make mistakes, and to always have the courage to try again. He won't learn that from a perfect mom. He will, however, learn that from me.